I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
