bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
