OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
