seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
