you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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