while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
