Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
