Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
