dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
