conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
