that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
