Christians are straight up FREAKS
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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