am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
