I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
