Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
