he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
