Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
