I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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