What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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