Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
