Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
