You're completely useless in the revolution.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
