Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
