you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
