i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
