Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
