i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
