in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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