But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
