Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
