maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
