okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
