Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
