remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
