Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
