I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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