glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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