and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
