dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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