your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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