I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
