I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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