people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
