Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
