I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
