so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
