if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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