you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
