discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
