just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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